In my travels around the world I have managed to learn how to say "hello" in a dozen languages. Most natives are amazed that anyone would want to learn any of their language so that usually takes me a long way. Here are a few important phrases that you need to learn when visiting the fringes of the American Empire:
Hey cutie-pie, are you married?
Give me a beer, please.
Where's the bathroom?
This is a one hundred dollar bill, I have lots of them.
They are worth one million in your money.
Is that guy who just knocked the door down your husband?
It's 19 degrees down here in Houston this morning. Did Al Gore and the greenies lie about global warming? I moved down here to get away from the cold weather. Maybe I need to move farther South.
Need to move, Fred. Today on the Oregon Coast we have some rain and 52 degrees. Tomorrow - 58 degrees. Sunday - 60 degrees and maybe some sunshine. A bit warm but we'll take it!
Two important tribes in the Caribbean were the Arawaks and the Caribs. The Arawaks were very peaceful and now are extinct. The Caribs were cannibals and very fierce fighters. The Caribs can still be found on various islands, including Dominica. It reminds me of how proud I am of my fierce tribal European ancestors. If we ever become too peaceful, we will go the way of the Arawaks.
John, those greenies may seem like innocent little liberal dwarfs, but don't be fooled. They are as relentless and dangerous as the brain eating zombies in "The Night of the Living Dead." They will suck your skull dry if you let them and you will start saying stupid things like, "I hate SUVs, everyone should be forced to drive an electric lawn mower", "I like plants better than people", and "Isn't diversity wonderful?" That fool who looks like Al Gore is actually a seed pod from outer space grown to look like him. The real Al Gore is a homeless bum pushing a shopping cart full of tin cans in Dade County, Florida still looking for dimpled chad that could give him the 2000 election over George Bush.
I think Fred has way too much time on his hands living in that gated planned community. Maybe he should move to the hood then we could here some true action stories.
Yes Randy and John, this master planned community of 5000 homes in 39 neighborhoods, including 4 gated has 2 elementary schools, a middle school, golf course, 4 swimming pools, several lakes, tennis courts, bike paths and shopping. I can get you guys a pass to get in when you come down, but you will have to upgrade your wardrobes first.
OK Randy and John, you can wear your Northern Ohio garage sale chic but pick up a 10 gallon hat and some cowboy boots at the airport and when you talk to anyone down here say things like, "Drill baby drill", "Texas should become a separate country again" and "George Bush was the greatest president we ever had."
John I didn't stay until the end but River was winning when we left. Fred Could you send me your doctors name? Your getting better drugs than me. Or are you drinking the water out there in Texas. When I was there they were putting stupid in the water. You must have missed History 101 in college. History will show 30 years from now that Bush and Chenny were the (Best) Biggest Crooks. Obama will come in second. Buy they way my bull riders hat is here in the house. Been there done that.
Randy, fortunetly my doctor was also my fraternity brother in college. He takes good care of me. The Houston rodeo is on now so you and John can come down here and ride the bull instead of slinging it on this blog.
It sounds like he already is a million dollar baby. He lives in a gated community. George Bush is his hero, I'm sure he owns stock in Bechtil and Blackwater. I want to see his hat.
At least Texas was an independent country at one time. What can you say about a state like Ohio that was named after a nut, the buckeye. Oh yea I forgot, Randy and John are a couple of gay nuts too!
Randy---LOVE that bull-rider hat! A bit tall for a roper, tho. The hair is somethin', too. Looks like home to me! Only....isn't it Texas cowboys who wear the 10-gallons? E
Ellen, I heard that reference to the 10 gallon hat in a cowboy movie I saw. Many of the stereotypes I learned about Texas I learned from cowboy movies. I thought Texas was all desert with nothing but long horned cattle and cactus. I was surprised to find it so green when we moved here 6 years ago and I even have a grapefruit tree and some palm trees in my yard. I have come to appreciate the rodeo now though and bull riding is the best.
When the weather gets better we will take Randy's car on a road trip.
Fred You need your eyes checked. The only green in Texas is where they water it. Drive by the oil patches and tell me about the green. I didn't know that stage brush was green. We might be from Ohio but we weren't born last night. More BS from Texas. I guess that you learned all about the steers and queers in Texas. Its the Texas water that inspires Fred. Take my word for it the bull riding is not good for your health. If you need riging to ride I'll send mine. Let me know. Just want pictures. We could have the reunion in Texas and watch Fred ride bulls. Or have it hear and just listen to the bull. One foot of white stuff on the ground. Car is grounded until its gone. Too cold to even work on it. So much fuel and so little time.
I love this website...It confirms to me on a daily basis that "Wine Therapy" eases the pain for me which you all inflict on one-another. Lets go to Herb's and have a couple of "Pops" !!!!. You guy's are allright....
As a youngter I went to sailing camp at the CYC every summer. I was a pretty good skipper and I had the trophies to prove it. I had the ambition to replace my dad as skipper of his 41 foot sloop, the Amorita because I knew that he didn't have the training I had at handling boats. When I turned 16 I grew a set and gained the incentive from my girlfriend to give my long held ambition a try.
During a weekday when I thought that no one else was around and with my "little baby" at my side I started the engine, cast off the lines and backed that ship out. Down the Rocky River we cruised and out to Lake Erie where I set the sails. I was the "King of the World" that day. It was a little tricky to bring that ship back in later that day and dock it, but I was up to the task and after I docked it, I got my reward in the cabin below.
I thought all was well until my dad asked me about how I liked taking the boat out. It seemed all his buddies were watching me from shore. I got grounded and got my bubble popped. I was still a boy with man sized dreams.
I can still remember Big Wilson sitting on his lounge chair drinking a beer on the back chanel every weekend. When we took my dad's boat out sking we used the back chanel just to see him. Whixy 1260, I think was the radio station he worked for. There were always things floating in the chanel from the night before. You Sinner Fred. Great memories Fred
Well, hey, it's fun for me. I can still sing WHK (color radio, don'tchaknow) and KYW jingles! Wasn't watchin' with the binoculars so have no clue as to the brand.
John, that's a great car wreck story. You should have been a stunt driver. We could share many car destroying stories and probably many of us are lucky to be alive. Such is the life of white suburban rich kids with too much time on their hands. It's not all a bed of roses.
Because of all my adolescent mayhem I never got mad at my wife or kids when they wrecked cars. I was just thankful that no one was hurt. It always surprized them that I only laughed off the damage. They had their share of funny wrecks and mushaps with the police. Just a chip off the ole block I guess.
